How to play mind games with others

So how do you deal with it and how can you get the upper hand? Here we will look at why people play mind games, what this often entails, and how to turn it around. The reason a colleague plays mind games at work for instance might be very different to the reason your partner plays mind games and tests you.

The first reason that many people play mind games is undoubtedly in order to get back some control. If we can illicit a response from someone, or if we can get them to do what we want, then this can give us a great power buzz and make us feel like we are in control.

This insecurity might also come with resentment. If they are feeling like they have no control of their lives, or perhaps like a failure, then it might be that they chose you specifically to take out their frustrations and this will often be because you represent what they want to be. In relationships this can often be more complex. Here the mind games are often a form of testing in order to see how you react, to see how much control they have in the relationship, and to test their theories and concerns.

Someone you are dating may for instance invite you to do one thing and then get angry when you take them up on the offer perhaps going out with friends rather than spending time with them. Likewise if someone is upset, they might not directly tell you or explain why, hoping instead that you will be sensitive enough to work those details out for yourself. This feels a lot like playing mind games, but it may not have such fiendish motivations.

Finally mind games can quite simply be a means to an end. The best way to deal with mind games is simply to rise above them. Normally the mind games being employed are used for the simple reason that the person doing it is too afraid to confront you directly, or they know you would win the confrontation.

They are using indirect and manipulative techniques, because they feel insecure, or because you are in the stronger position.

Thus if you call them directly on what you suspect, and if you address the issue publicly, they will more often than not reverse course and back down and you will win. So for instance if someone were to try and subtly undermine you in a workplace, you could try to do the same back and would end up with both of your reputations tarnished and the fact that you were stopping to underhand methods would be a mark against you too.

Likewise in relationships this can work well too — simply ask directly what it is that is bothering your partner, and if there is anything you can do to help. I do not feel that the article is purely commercial, it has provided me with some answers, or maybe it has confirm what I was afraid of.

It would help someone in that kind of situation. Sometimes the best thing to do, if possible, is to walk away from the situation. I actually had to end a friendship today, something I've rarely done, because the friend would not stop arguing and being defensive, blaming me, and being arrogant in her approach to many people. I felt a big sigh of relief afterward. Continually misunderstanding someone can, in itself, be a kind of crazy-making, power struggle mind game. What if you aren't dating that person and he act so nice too you and a day or two he start making you feel like your nothing.

I try not to put up with it but it hurts me so much that I feel like I'm nothing. Good article. I have a neighbour who lives in the apartment below me and enjoys controlling the volume on his TV and stereo to a degree that I am unable to hear my music and TV. Any advice you could throw my way?! Probably best to move. Confronting him will only make the situation worse for you and it will make him happy.

He will never change. Sounds like he is a bitter angry person. This information needs to be made available alongside what is here as any attempt to treat an abuser as someone who just feels insecure can be very dangerous indeed. Never ever be a slave to anyone, those who really love u will never put you this kind of stupid games, walk away from them….

Telling them that you don't want to play mind games makes things worse form my experience because usually the person playing the games are determined to win, they bitch about if you make it public, beating them at their game gives the determined mind game player a reason to continue playing games with you till they have run out of ways to beat you.

You need to exhaust their options of winning for them to truly back down without hurting them. Make it seem like you're having fun and winning all the time and they will back down. The article doesn't show or explain how to handle the situation when taking the more mature route isn't an option.

Sometimes in these situations taking the high road is looked upon as weak. Clearly I know better but that doesn't help in handling the situation while in it. When attempting to get to know someone prior to a date if they start with the mind games or flake I just drop it and move on. Not going to put up with childish games don't have the time for it. If they have emotional issues then it is something they need to work on or speak with a therapist about. Great article. I have a boss who is insecure and makes a decision then swears she didn't say anything.

Thankfully it happened to a friend of mine, so I figured out what was going on. I'm a very calm person and I have to admit using that as a weapon. She has yelled and I just calmly react with reason, admitting any fault and picking apart the untrue.

I have a number of people in my life playing mind on me at present! I feel they are trying to help me in some way but they are in fact making my anxiety and insecurities around love and happiness I desperately need, want and have turned my life around to have worse. I feel I am being judged and constantly observed a little humiliated also to say, act and to do the right thing… these types of mind games can have serious detrimental consequences on an individual that has turned their life around from self-destructive behaviors, addiction, self-harm, risk taking etc.

I am giving these people involved with an open heart and mind to explain their motives to me and what are the reasons behind these mind games played on me over a pretty long period of time.

I feel everyone has a right to free speech, to express their happiness, sadness and so on! Not to have to hide it away in fear of rejection, humility, hurt, fear etc.

I see mind games all day at work, I'm not a gamer, I'd personally rather take it outside deal with it old school and go back doing my job. Today's society seems like they want the money but do as little as they can to receive the most money and play games to achieve the promotion they don't deserve.

Just my thoughts, not everyone is like that. Probably nothing new that this happens just seem to notice more. Signing off. Gulf war vet I don't feel this is true… my son plays mind games with me and your suggestions would NOT help at all! Motive: Because I wasn't ready for relationship or I wanted to build one with him before actually dating he took it as if I was "playing'' because I wanted to go about a relationship the right way this time. So he used someone's as a weapon to get back at me to make me feel bad for making my decision taking my time in getting in a relationship.

Thanks for this article! I'm so happy that I read this article. I just had something happened two weeks ago. I made a friend and everything was great and then he started actually test me and it's funny that's one of the things you said and he tested me and it was the result if I went along with it I would have been in legal trouble which would have possibly gotten me in prison and a big fine and then he ended up telling me yesterday that I don't know how to be real, I don't know how to be real to myself mainly because I've never been married and this coming from a guy who's had two failed marriages and three years in prison and so no I know how to be real, he doesn't know how to be real, I just pray for him because he really needs it!

What if they don't reverse course and back down? In my case, my brother evades apologies every time no matter how many times I've called him out on his malefic game playing shenanigans. He gets really jealous and power hungry — it's ridiculous. An even better solution would be to leave the said toxic mind gaming individual IMO. Very true, all of what the author says.

Playing mind games with your partner will keep them wondering about your intentions. To learn how to control the emotions of other people, keep reading!

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We use cookies to make wikiHow great. By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Cookie Settings. Learn why people trust wikiHow. Download Article Explore this Article methods. Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Article Summary. Author Info Last Updated: May 10, Method 1. Sign up for an acting class. When learning how to trick someone, it is important that you learn how to make that person believe in your words and emotions.

Learning basic acting techniques can help you become more persuasive to those who you are trying to manipulate. Never break character. If someone calls your bluff, or accuses you of trying to mess with their mind, do not admit it.

It is possible to turn the situation around, and convince that person that their paranoia and accusations hurt your feelings. If you do admit that you were playing mind games, you will lose that person's trust.

Be charming. People are more receptive to those who are charming, and they are more inclined to trust them. Always have a smile on your face, have welcoming body language, and treat everyone with respect and equality. Become charismatic. People respond positively to those who make them feel special and happy. Charismatic people are great at doing because they posses certain qualities. Here are some methods you can use: Say people's names when you greet and part ways.

Make eye contact during a conversation. Give compliments. Ask about their interests. Respond to their feelings to show you care. Show confidence. Show people you value yourself and they should too. This will allow people to be more likely to listen to what you have to say and trust you.

When you are saying something, whether it be true or false, say it proudly. Pretend like you believe in what you are saying so that others will believe it too. Be seemingly vulnerable. When you share your sensitive side and deep emotions, it makes people believe there is no room in your personality for deception. You want people to think you are being transparent and have nothing to hide. Method 2. Study other manipulators.

If you find out someone has been practicing mind games on you, or someone you know, and has done it well, figure out what made that person so successful. Study their mannerisms and words to figure out their technique. Practice reading people. Be sure to study the person you are trying to play a mind game with, so that you know how that person thinks. This will allow you to take the best approach for getting this person to take part in your game.

Watch for emotionally driven people. A lot of people are easily responsive to emotional situations and hardships. For sympathetic and empathetic people, you will want to play to their emotions by having them feel bad for you. This will lead them into helping you however you say you need it. Play the victim. This tactic requires you to gain the sympathy of the other person.

You need to act like you are a perfect, moral person who keeps being victimized by the evils of the world, and you just don't know why. This will make someone feel obligated to give in to any requests you may have. Why do bad things keep happening to me? Look for guilt-ridden people.

When you know that someone is sensitive to guilt, be sure to play on that weakness. Guilt can weigh very heavy on a lot of people, and they will do their best to avoid that feeling. When you go to ask for a favor that someone may not want to do, you can attempt to guilt trip that person into doing it. Here are some things you can say if someone turns you down: "I knew you would let me down.

Be aware of logically minded people. If you find someone who goes by fact, and does not believe in something unless there is evidence to back it up, then you need more than emotions to mess with this person. Figure out a way to back up what you say with reason or logical benefits to be more convincing. This may convince someone to healthier foods. Method 3. Don't respond immediately to texts and phone calls.

People who are always available leave little room for mystery or deception. Instead of waiting by the phone to engage in conversation, let her think you are busy. If she is excited to text you in the morning with a flirty greeting, do not send one back until hours later. This will leave her wondering where you are and who you might be with.

The same goes for a phone call. If she calls you, do not answer it. Call her back hours later, or maybe even the next day. Your unavailability will leave her guessing. Be flirtatious around other people. When it is just the two of you hanging out, let the sparks fly.